iPhone youphone we all phone!

As a recent entrant into the labyrinth of technology that is Apple products, I am understandably fascinated by my new iPhone (I say new, its a battered old thing with a dodgy home button that I got cheap off ebay, but thats just small print). The problem is that I’ve noticed a direct relationship between my new phone and my rapidly disappearing social skills….ALL I CAN TALK ABOUT IS APPS.

Despite my personality taking a direct hit, my quality of A) sleep and B) waking up, has skyrocketed. Why? Because with my iPhone I can now measure it can’t I! In what is probably the most useless iPhone app of all time, I can now tailor the perfect combination of soothing sounds (you can choose from soft cicadas, 2 different types of windchimes, various forms of moving water, rustling leaves, gently chugging trains, various forms of birdsong or even small croaking frogs). Combine this with a bespoke combination of electromagnetic super mega alphabetagamma thingymajig waves to alter the character of your wake up.  Blast your head with straight beta waves and you’ll wake up with a rejuvenated mind, pure gamma and you’ll feel more confident, a cheeky combination and you’ll feel super smooooooth.  Its pure heaven.

The only slight issue is that sometimes I accidentally choose the running water setting and wake up feeling none of the above and just desperate for the loo.  Also I’m not sure of the side effects of repeatedly beaming myself with microwaves every morning, slightly nervous that I could end up like this poor unsuspecting Sim:

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